so this is pretty much finished, but i think it is missing a little something yet...let me know what you think.
In the Evening
A thick honey stretches between parting lips,
and I have found time to live forever;
stuck to the final thoughts in a falling sun,
I strain young words for the rays to never fade—
never steal desires now baked too brittle
to whisper (as truths) over ears hardened
by sweet, aging lights.
Cold hands slide over cold hands:
red smoke in our eyes,
burnt tar in the air,
a warm rain becomes mist.
The night will find us a constant winter
as we cannot change with the leaves,
left to simply soften and tear beneath the ice.
We will not gasp or breathe, but remember
warm shadows of a long burning sun.
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I wish I knew you were into poetry when I had my poetry writing class. You would have been a lot of help!!
ReplyDeleteI love this. Get on Sharepoetry.com! It's a great place to get critique (or most likely encouragement and praise) on your poetry. You've really captured a moment here. I would offer more thoughts, but I'm in the middle of homework and had to at least comment on how much I liked your poem.
ReplyDeleteI think it's good. The last verse is great, but I had to read through the first verse a couple times to begin to get it.
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